Is it just me or when we as women reach a certain age we cannot stand too much around our neck. I can’t stand to feel like I’m suffocating or getting too hot. Certain scarves are too bulky to wear as fashion or an accessory. I would gladly wear one if I know it’s only purpose is to keep me warm while I’m outside. But to wear one as an accessory to my outfit, I am over it just thinking about it. The turquoise and orange came from a young lady that was a student at Phillips Preparatory School as a thank you. But, I just could never find anything to wear with it and it was so bulky around my neck; so it stayed in my winter box until Thursday, May 7, 2020. The cheetah print scarf came from my bonus daughter Iman, she had great style too and I use to beg for her stuff all of the time. The red and white scarf came from my cousin as a birthday present one year and I also kept trying to wear it, but I could never really find the right thing to wear with it. My sweet cousin Keysha (Lord rest her soul) had a very unique taste and style, but she always wore beautiful things. When I decided to wear this scarf and pair it with my natural puff, it had already been decided that it was “scarf week” by me and my sweet guy friend. The day I wore Keysha’s scarf I got a powerful revelation from Daddy “what use to be a yoke around your neck, now has become a crown upon your head”. I wasn’t for sure what it meant just yet, but before the week was out, I would soon find out.
I didn’t realize that wearing a scarf everyday this week was going to take me wetting my hair each morning and applying Shea Moisture Mousse and the Ecostyle Gel. This quickly opened my eyes to how much work goes into maintaining the natural. But, its absolutely worth it, seeing how what I use to take for granted has now become something I really can appreciate. I was getting my hair washed and pressed every two weeks up until I was 16 years old and just watching the girls in high school rock the stacks, I just had to have it. I got my perm and my short in the top and long in the back from Doretha and it took a long time for my hair to get trained to stack. By a year’s time I was cutting and perming and stacking by myself. Now I’ve come full circle and back to the natural and I see so clearly how amazing the journey is. “Girl you got some beautiful hair”, I tell myself. I have a new appreciation for what came naturally through my heritage as a Grayson/Dulaney. (Heir). But here’s the thing, we get second chances to embrace what we once failed to see before. I was taught tough love by my mama, but I didn’t really see it because I thought she was just mean to me. When I had children, I began to understand her love better. It was difficult at times to be a friend because I always had a wall up, I always had fear and mistrust for people. I’ve only allowed certain people in, but they didn’t even get in all the way. I’ve always had relationships that had conditions and that were based in fear, but to be awarded the chance again; I am absolutely taken. I met the most admirable man two years ago and we have been friends since. He has never changed towards me. Unconditional love is just what it is and I never really got the concept until being alone with God, truly, after the divorce. I didn’t realize that a man could really love a woman unconditionally, because I didn’t love my husband unconditionally. (Yes, I’m being transparent) Experiencing God’s unconditional love took me considering myself, messing up a few times and repenting of my own crap in order to extend grace to others.
All the trying and failing I did to be accepted by God was a yoke around my neck that I was fighting so hard to get off. But all I had to do was stand and be crowned by what was already mine as an heir to His love, grace and favor. True happiness and peace comes from acknowledging that it is already done, because we are heirs to whatever the Kingdom of God has. Matthew 6:33; seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. And it doesn’t take a lifetime either; one choice, one day and an absolute acknowledgement of that truth; and every yoke, blinders and chains will be broken.
Carla Mashell Dulaney