Retiring with Benefits
The older I get, the more and more I desire to just be stable; get somewhere and “sat” down for real for real. I admire any young adult that knows exactly what they want to do, occupational wise. Since being in Texas, I have changed jobs a couple of times and mainly because I was simply unhappy where I originally started. I quickly realized that these people, clearly, were not the former staff that I loved and absolutely loved me. Through this staff, I must say, they taught me how insecure I was. I went in quickly expecting to be liked, because hey; it’s me Carla Mashell! Get somewhere and sat down Ms. Carla, lol! My last set of interviews I made it crystal clear, “I am seeking job security and the desire to retire with benefits” (Periodt). I regretfully, tried to go back to that company, because that was my goal; but the Lord did not see fit to open that door.
I learned so much about myself in this transition, but the greatest lesson was how insecure I really am. It is truly a thorn in my flesh that keeps me hearing the voice of the Father. The thorn helps me identify His grace in the midst of my daily life. It is a constant reminder of how imperfect we really are. The woman I was last year wanted to judge every person that appeared to dislike me and that made me feel worse. Worse, why; because I know that it is not the heart of God. He is a God of no condemnation, and he receives me over and over again when I mess up; so why should I respond any differently to others. That is quite the benefit to the Christian walk. When we serve fully on a job, the benefits are great in the end. You sow a little seed every day you show up and do the work you were assigned to do. But, staying committed, despite the pressures from our insecurities or should I say thorns will render benefits.
Love is both who you are and who you are still becoming, like a sunflower seed that becomes its own sunflower- Richard Rohr Immortal Diamond