Shhhhh…….You’re Speaking

When I tell some people that I can’t hear without my glasses, it’s rather amusing and confusing to those that don’t wear glasses.  But it is so true, in order to write this blog, I felt compelled to get my glasses because I want to hear from my heart, I want to hear what I am trying to say.

As long as I can remember, I have been seeking approval and validation.  My mother was a teen mom whose father left before she was born.  So I was conceived and carried by an abandoned young woman, who never felt protected.  She was a young mother that did the best she knew to do with what she had.  I was that child that reminded her of everything she thought she couldn’t do or be, and I felt that.  So for years, I made it my responsibility to make her no longer regret having me.  My mommy’s voice of sorrow and regret was all I heard, so I had to do something.  But, I could never measure up, my work was never recognized; no matter how hard I tried.  Sadly, that work continued on through my teen years, as a young adult and even into a full fledge adult.

Finally, at 44 I have snapped out of it.   I had to back away from church (other people’s voice), a marriage (his voice) and that girl who has been seeking approval and validation all her life in order to hear the voice of Carla Mashell.  The thing that snapped me out of it was when I heard myself sing; I recorded myself and listened.  Through that recording, I heard the passion in my voice, I heard the gift that God gave me and I approved my own voice.  Silence the voices of others, society, and your past; tune in to the voice that has been ignored and gagged for years.  Tune in to what makes you happy, what makes you smile and when you do, you’ll place parameters on your life that others can no longer cross.

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